Fall in my heart

"Walk away quietly in any direction and taste the freedom of the mountaineer. Camp out among the grasses and gentians of glacial meadows, in craggy garden nooks full of nature's darlings. Climb the mountains and get their good tidings, Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves. As age comes on, one source of enjoyment after another is closed, but nature's sources never fail." - John Muir

All these seasons of nature are also seasons within me. Some of them are painted in autumn colors, melancholic and rainy while others are full of joy and sunshine, like the hottest summer by the Adriatic sea. Some of them are lasting as long as the seasons in nature, while others have the ability to change faster than the transition of day and night. I must admit i enjoy them all.

Going to the Mountains is going Home, said my really good friend that I have never met - John Muir. And for the past few years that has been the exact definition of my homecoming.

But shortly after I had moved to London an idea was planted inside me. An idea that even London can become my place to be. In order to make it happen I had to find a home within myself. So i put my shoes on and went for this long hike. 

I was trying to get used to the noise and accept it, but I simply couldn't let go. I used to lay in my bed and imagined it being the wind that flows through my hair and moves the leaves while I am taking a walk through the foggy forest in the late afternoon. But I couldn´t hear a melody I could enjoy.

Secondly, I was trying to get into the flow with the speed of turbulent waves that are rushing through the city like there is no tomorrow. Somehow, somewhere, at some point, I have just plugged in without even noticing and I was hooked. I became a short-distance runner that I never was. Suddenly, everything became a race. My route to work, my ride to the market, and in the end even my path to the nearest park.

I was a little tiny human caught in a massive vortex while my body became an erupting volcano trying to compensate disconnectedness I felt between myself and the city that I love and hate at the same time. 

And still, I was not ready to accept the defeat between my nature and the idea. 

Today I finally got a chance to go back and pray in my "temple" during the last couple of days. I notice how I really needed it, but at the same time, I am afraid that those three days in Slovenia simply won't be enough to contemplate the storm of emotions raging inside me. ..

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But they were enough. As soon as we landed I saw it coming. As underslept as I was at that point, my body just ran towards the arms of the Alps. My lungs started gasping for air because now I realized that I am choking more than ever. 

I took my brother Jure and Luc to share the experience, but I was too disconnected to share. Talking never felt so unnecessary. I hated words at that time. Simply because they are used in so many ways that make no sense to the spirits of Life. I felt so intoxicated with words that all that I wanted was just a silent conversation with Him. 

And there He was, standing so peacefully and still in front of me. My mountain. My Jalovec.

He was not touched by my presence in any way. He simply was there. Belonging.

Jalovec (2,645 m) on the far right.

And there I was standing completely naked in front of the face of these majestic mountains, watching how the glacier within me turned into a river, slowly gaining a movement and joining the stream. So powerful. Watching how the sound of the spring fell down from the nearby mountain into a waterfall straight through my shivering body. 

I have realized how much I was craving these sounds. And the smell and stillness of the surrounding nature that was glowing like gold in all its autumn glory. I feel my body waking up. Anxiety slowly fading away while I started feeling this pain all over my body. And sadness. And fear. And disappointment. And finally, the ultimate. A relief has started coming into my being. 

And I am grateful that I have got to experience all of this. What I know now is I know where I belong. 

I know where my home is. I even know I enjoy getting lost well.

But none of these could happen without me moving to London and forming such an intense relationship with this special city. Connecting with it and disconnecting at the same time. And that is when my people come in. So many beautiful souls and moments that I would never have. I feel privileged. I feel rich.

One Love <3
Ana


Photos made by me and my Nokia. © 

Dom [Home].

Aljažev dom v vratih (1015m) - Stenar (2501m) - Bovški gamsovec (2392m) - Kriški podi (2050m) - Planja (2453m) - Razor (2601m)

“Najlepša gora je prazen nič, dokler se ne začrta v človekovo zavest. 

           In nasprotno: šele človekova zavest ožari goro z lepoto.” - Stanko Klinar

Medtem ko slonim v vrsti potnikov z obrazom prilepljenim na stekleno steno malega predora, ki vodi v notranjost letala, se ozrem v prelepo naravo, ki se rezprostira pred menoj; svet, ki ga bom v naslednjih nekaj mesecih najbolj pogresala. In v istem trenutku se mi po obrazu nehote ulije nov slap solza, ki ga ne zmorem več nadzorovati. K sreči se gruča potnikov pred menoj začne premikati naprej proti kabini letala in kmalu se brisoč solze zgrudim na sedež. 


Ko naposled le poletimo, z očmi iscem obrise mojih ljubih Alp, a gore oblakov, ki letijo mimo mojega okna so edino gorovje, ki ga vidim.
Misli mi udijeo na ta zadnji, neznosno vroč nedeljski večer, ko je končno napočil čas, da se vrnem tja gor - na zrak, domov, v gore.

Ura je bila malo cez polnoč, ko sva se z polnimi nahrbtniki in velikimi nasmehi na obrazu skupaj z Majo znasli v dolini Vrat in mimo Aljaževega doma zakorakali v tiho noč. Zrak je bil še vedno neprimerljivo topel, na nebu se je sem ter tja sprehajalo nekaj zvezd, v gozdu pred nama pa je vladala prava tisina. Sem ter tja jo je zmotil najin korak, pa se je na koncu tudi ta zlil z mirom, ki je vel po dolini.

Kam to noč - sploh ni bilo vprašanje. Ze nekaj časa sanjam o njem, saj se mi je zdelo, da zna prav tam zgoraj biti se posebej udoben naslonjač, iz katerega je moč doživeti enega najvelicastnejših soncnih vzhodov. In vendarle je prisel pravi cas, da ga obiscem, pa ne samo zaradi naslonjača ampak zaradi vrha samega, ki se mi je prikupil že nekaj let nazaj. Stenar mu je ime.

Pot se najprej strmo vzpenja skozi pas gozda, vendar tudi ko prestopiva prag med gozdom in rušjem se le-ta nič ne polozi ampak poskrbi, da se clovek prizemlji tam, v tistem momentu, skupaj s svojim korakom in dihom.
Ko se dvigneva malo višje po meliscu se za kratek cas ustaviva in malo posediva. Znajdem se v enem lepsih trenutkov, ko se zazrem naokrog v temo in vidim temne obrise mogocnih sten, ki naju objemajo.

Za nama, nad Kredarico se je prikazala luna in zacela skupaj z nama plezati ona proti vrhu Triglava, me pa v soju čelnih svetilk proti vrhu te magične doline, Sovatne. Zame je postala prav posebna nekaj let nazaj, ko sem na njenih pobočjih dozivela svet kozorogov in se danes ne znam najti besed, ki bi opisale tisto kar se je takrat dogajalo znotraj v meni ob pogledu na trop neverjetno mocnih zivali, vem pa da je bila čast in privilegij. 

Ko sva prisli do Dovskih vrat, se tam ponovno odpre povsem nov svet; usmeriva se po poti, ki vodi proti vrhu Stenarja. Ko se naposled le vsedeva v naslonjač se predstava prične. In zares je bila veličastna.

Sele takrat zacutim, kako se vsaka, se najmanjsa misica mojega telesa sprosti, v tistem trenutku ko se dvigne ognjeni planet in se začno po nebu razprostirati sončni žarki, ter z nesteto odtenki barvati obrise okoliskih gora na obzojru. Vame se po dolgih mesecih norenja skozi Londonsko džunglo, naseli pravi mir in takrat končno spet pristanem.

Moj pogled se je premikal od grebena do grebena, od vrha do vrha. Bil sem nad vsem in onstran vsega, dvignil sem se še višje, nad svoje zemeljske čute. Le mila toplina pod poznim popoldanskim soncem in slan okus ob robu ustnic sta me opozarjala na mojo zemeljsko dimenzijo.

- Matija Klemše

Skupaj z Majo se prepustiva razgledom in toplemu jutranjemu soncu, ter si malo pred zacetkom prav posebno vrocega poletnega dne v raju pogrneva zajtrk. Opoj gora naju je obe prevzel in bolj kot potujem sem ter tja po tem svetu, bolj razumem kaj je mislil France Avcin, ko je v eni svojih knjig napisal: "Ena sama dezelica mi lahko s svojo naravo izpolnjuje celo življenje. 

Prevzete od razgledov se ob spogledovanju z mogocno triglavsko steno klepetaje zacneva premikati proti Bovskemu Gamsovcu, da ujameva se drugo perspektivo. Srce pospesi utrip in oblije me hvaleznost ob pogledu na bogastvo, ki me obdaja, nakar se zavem, da mi tocno tukaj in zdaj popolnoma nic ne manjka. Pogled sprehodim naokoli in nazaj proti Stenarju, kjer se po kraljestvu Kriskih podov podijo sem ter tja gamsi in naposled me sonce vendarle prestavi iz sanj v realnost, zato se hitro podvizam, da sem Maji kaj kmalu spet za petami in ji tako sledim do samega vrha. 

Kot dva derviša sva se skupaj z nahrbtniki in odprtimi usti vrteli sredi vrha Gamsovca, saj je iz njega Triglavska stena in celotna krona vrhov okoli kriskih podov videti se velicastnejsa. Malo utrujeni od ponocevanja se odlocno zlekneva po tleh kar tam, na gori. Vendar je ze nekaj minut kasneje sonce prevzelo celotno okolico in naju spodilo do Pogacnikovega doma, kjer sva pomalicali in se ulegli v senci kar po klopcah. A tudi tam nama vrocina in nemir v nogah nista dala miru, zato sva jo na tisti peklensko vroci popoldan v raju mahnili se na Planjo, Razor pa prihranili za jutranji sprehod.

Hvala Maja, ker si delila te trenutke z mano! Mislim, da naju caka se veliko prigod v prihodnje ;) 

Vsem, ki pa ste pogresali tale blog pa obljubim, da se bom malo bolj potrudila v prihodnje ;) Pa hvala za vse vzpodbude!

Se opravicujem za pomanjkanje stresic na c - z - s. Zal mi jih tale angleska tipkovnica ne dopusca.

Photos made by me and Nokia. Make sure u ask before u use or abuse. ©

First snow and the mountain (Grintovec 2558m).

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. 

And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning, and company doesn’t always mean security. 

And you begin to learn that kisses are not contracts, and present's aren’t promises. 

And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead... 

With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child. 

And you learn To build all your roads on today, 

Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans, 

and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. 

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much… 

So, you plant your own garden, and decorate your own soul... 

Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. 

And you learn that you really can endure… 

you really are strong, 

you really do have worth. 

And you learn, and you learn… 

with every goodbye, 

You Learn…

(Veronica A. Shoffstal)

Thank you dear friend for taking me up there. I ll never forget.

Photos made by me and Nokia. Make sure u ask before u use or abuse. ©

Love