mišmaš: August 2015

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread,

places to play in and pray in,

where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul.

-John Muir

In my dictionary, the idea of the home that we have can be just about anywhere on this ever-shaking cosmic object called our planet.

Nevertheless, there was this whole period of time after moving to London. I would quite often feel lost and sometimes a bit puzzled while trying to absorb the energy of the humongous urban jungle.

London has so many different sounds, impulses, shapes, colors, frequencies, and heartbeats happening in one single instant that it can quickly become a giant black hole and I can stand there in the middle of Oxford Circus, naked, feeling nothing and everything at the very same instant. There is a river flowing through, a river flowing in. Flowing with the speed of the light and in the slowest slow motion that you can imagine. They exchange fearlessly in just one single blink of a moment. I thought I wanted to connect with the city; to join hands, live it deeply, to engage and play with it. But little did I know, that I will become a city at some point in town.

And when I for thought i´ve got to the point where I finally thought that this is it, my idea was brought down after just one flight back to Slovenia, to the sunny side of Alps. Life has this way of flow, of change of not knowing involving into knowing... all at the very same time.

Endless landscapes flowing between the warmth of the crazy family and friends I grew up with, the beauty of the people, addictive mountain air, and finally, the energy from the mountains that were rising in front of me was just mind-blowing. Mesmerizing. Hypnotic.

I felt again. In slow motion. I felt the onrush of emotions with every breath I took. The big giant open scape with mountains, in particular, has this superpower to bring out all of me. And I felt so alive till the very end when I arrived at the airport a few days later with this big lump in my throat and all I could think of was how I did not want to go back to England, despite the fact that there are too some really special souls welcoming me back.

That is when I became aware of how transitory all these moments are...

By the time I stepped in front of our door in London and saw the big smiley faces of my dear friends, my tears dried up, the sun greeted me and I was home again.

But still, hooman in me thought: "there must be something, missing."

I simply wasn't able to completely dive in and embrace the beauty and energy the city offers when you are open and willing to accept it.

Luckily, train tickets to Lake District arrived just in time and the iron road was carving the train line that would be waiting for me by the end of July. Little did I know that this train ride will be yet one of the most beautiful rides. Horizons that I knew before expanded within every new landscape that flew by my eyes. I said to myself this is it, welcome to Heaven.

And I was chanting this mantra for the whole week while talking to Renata and Edu over our slow analog everyday life divided by Clacks and Cliks. All I had to do was to put my shoes on and go out for a walk, for a hike.

I also realized how much I missed the rain. I felt so privileged every night, before drowning into a long, deep sleep in front of a wide-open window, smelling the fresh scent, listening to the playful sound of raindrops. My favorite lullaby to this day.

All this nature that is surrounding us is putting me at peace. I connect effortlessly and relax. I slow down. I am here. Now. The complete opposite of the concrete jungle, where I used to feel that i am everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Renata grounded me by the end of my stay. We started talking about how everything is transitory. Time, sadness, rain, lovers, melancholy, moments. We.

I don't know what happened a few days later but everything came in place and for a few moments I felt that even London can be my home now.